In keeping up with my blog.  Well, I did say back in the beginning that I didn’t promise to update daily. Since I got my new laptop, I’ve once again become totally immersed in World of Warcraft and have been spending all of my spare time playing, having a blast.  Its been so long since I really enjoyed playing it that it almost feels like a completely new game. I can hardly wait for the latest expansion to come out.

Another reason I haven’t posted much lately is that I promised myself to try and not be as negative as I have been in the past about my workplace, but it gets harder every day.  Cutting costs is one thing but cutting them to the staff’s detriment only to waste even more somewhere else is ridiculous in oh so many ways – the cost in morale alone isn’t worth it.  Anyway, its been a real struggle lately not to constantly bitch and moan, so I figured it was better to just stay quiet.

What got me on the warpath today, however, wasn’t something at my office.  It was another blog.  Abovethelaw.com has a regular feature in which they discuss various perks that various firms offer the attorneys.  The latest discussion is the perk of having a secretary. Some of the readers have asked for advice on what to do with their secretaries and that, of course, has led to some pretty stupid posts by some real idiots.  Most of the time, when I read ATL, I wonder what kind of losers many of the commenters are, with their retarded “First!” posts and idiotic comments.  And today’s post is no different.  Which of the following would you consider that of a decent human being and which is the comment of a complete asshat?

It is really quite simple, to make the best use of your secretary 1) make sure she is hot, and 2) have sex with her 3x per week.

or 

Making proper use of the secretary is what separates those who need 55 hours to bill 40 in a week and those who need far less.

My guess is the only way the first poster is ever going to have sex, much less having it 3x per week, is to pay someone for it.  Unfortunately, its jags like that who make working many places unbearable – not just law firms.

For those of you who are truly wondering how to make the best use of your secretary, here are some of the things I do for my bosses (of which I have three – two shareholders and a baby) – most without being instructed:  Open and sort mail, scan and save everything coming in or going out, calendar hearing dates, response due dates, etc., type dictation, draft letters, draft pleadings, do research, keep the attorneys informed about any news or cases that relate in any way to what they do, contact the court for hearing dates or other information, client contact, co-counsel and opposing counsel contact, make travel arrangements, make sure they have any supplies they might need, and various and sundry other acts. 

One thing my main boss finds most vital is that I know all of the federal and local rules for filings – everything from proper formatting rules to appellate brief cover colors to page limits.  Whenever he (or many of our other attorneys) needs to know the rule for something, he calls me and I can inform him instantly.  Yes, its ultimately his responsibility to make sure this information is correct but over the past few years, he’s learned that I know what I’m doing and it helps him not to have to worry about mundane details and he can work on drafting a great brief instead.

For an idea of what not to do with your secretary (aside from the obvious), number 2 in my book is do NOT give me your crap jobs to do. If you can’t figure out how to print your own documents, learn.  Don’t ask me to fetch something for you to drink or eat, either.  Don’t type up your own badly-written, almost incoherent letter, print it on letterhead and give it to me to make copies and mail out if it has my initials as the typist, because I’ll redo it WITH your mistakes and WITHOUT my initials for you to re-sign. 

Number 1 would have to be do NOT treat me like an idiot or a piece of furniture.  I have a name, I’m just as good at my job as you are at yours (and in many cases I’m better at it than you are), so I deserve the same amount of respect you would show to your contemporaries.  I work FOR you, not BENEATH you, so don’t treat me like I’m dirt under your feet.  When you bring someone around the office, if you are introducing them to the other attorneys, introduce them to the secretaries, too.  Especially if they are a client, as we are probably going to have to have a good bit of contact with them as well.  If you’re having a bad day, you do not get to take it out on us. We are here to assist you, not to be your punching bag or doormat.  All we ask is to be treated with the same amount of respect and consideration that you expect from us.